Blog Post 7: Recognising When Relationships May Not Be Worth Saving

'm walking the Camino del Norte so I've created this weekly series on relationships for while I am in Spain. I hope you find it valuable.

The Difficult Truth About Relationship Boundaries

While most relationship challenges can be addressed through improved communication and mutual effort, some situations require serious consideration about whether the relationship is healthy to continue. Recognising these situations isn't about giving up easily - it's about understanding when your energy might be better invested elsewhere and when continuing might actually harm your wellbeing.

This applies across all relationship types: family relationships that have become toxic, workplace dynamics that undermine your professional growth, friendships that consistently drain your energy, or any relationship where fundamental respect and safety are absent.

Non-Negotiable Red Flags

Any Form of Abuse whether emotional, physical, or financial, represents a serious safety issue that goes beyond normal relationship challenges. Abuse patterns in family relationships, workplace harassment, or manipulative behaviour in friendships aren't problems to solve together - they're situations that require professional support and often distance or ending the relationship entirely.

Consistent Disrespect or Contempt erodes the foundation of any relationship. If someone regularly dismisses your feelings, mocks your concerns, or treats you with disdain across multiple conversations and situations, and shows no genuine interest in changing these patterns, the relationship may not be salvageable.

Addiction Issues Without Recovery Commitment can devastate relationships of all types. Whether it's a family member struggling with substance abuse, a colleague with work-related addictions, or a friend with behavioural addictions, if they refuse to acknowledge the problem or seek help, you may need to prioritise your own wellbeing and safety.

Values and Compatibility Issues

Fundamental Incompatibilities in core values sometimes can't be compromised away. If you value honesty and integrity whilst someone consistently lies or acts unethically, if you prioritise mutual respect whilst they believe in hierarchical power dynamics, if you need emotional safety whilst they thrive on drama and conflict. These differences might be too significant to bridge.

Repeated Boundary Violations indicate a lack of respect for your autonomy and wellbeing. If you've clearly communicated your boundaries and someone consistently violates them - whether it's about time, energy, privacy, or other needs. This pattern suggests they don't respect your right to self-determination.

Unwillingness to Grow or Change can be particularly frustrating when you're investing significant energy in relationship improvement. If someone consistently refuses to engage in constructive conversations, shows no interest in understanding your perspective, or actively resists any changes that would improve the relationship, you may be the only person invested in the relationship's success.

The Difference Between Difficult and Toxic

Not every challenging relationship is toxic, and not every personality clash indicates incompatibility. Difficult relationships often involve two people who care about each other but struggle with communication, have different attachment styles, or are navigating stressful circumstances.

Toxic relationships, however, consistently leave you feeling drained, anxious, or diminished. They often involve patterns of manipulation, gaslighting, or emotional manipulation that make you question your own perceptions and worth.

Making the Decision

When considering whether to continue investing in a challenging relationship, ask yourself:

Do you feel emotionally and physically safe in this relationship? Does this person show genuine care for your wellbeing? Are they willing to acknowledge their role in relationship problems? Do you feel respected and valued, even during conflicts? Are you able to maintain your sense of self and other relationships?

If the answers to these questions are consistently no, it may be time to consider reducing your investment in the relationship or ending it entirely.

The Grief of Letting Go

Ending relationships, even unhealthy ones, often involves grief. You might grieve the relationship you hoped it could become, the history you shared, or the role this person played in your life. This grief is normal and healthy. It doesn't mean you made the wrong decision.

Remember that choosing to end or limit a relationship isn't a failure. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for yourself and the other person is to acknowledge that the relationship, as it currently exists, isn't serving anyone's highest good.

Struggling to determine whether a relationship is worth saving? SM Advisory provides compassionate guidance to help you navigate these difficult decisions. Our approach honours both your wellbeing and your values, helping you make choices that support your long-term happiness and growth. Contact us for support during these challenging relationship transitions.