SinceI finished my book, I have been thinking about the way tht different cultures resolve disputes. I suppose this started with my posting to Bougainville when I assisted in the development of community policing. In a world increasingly drawn toward formal legal systems and structured arbitration, there is something quietly powerful about the way many Polynesian and Melanesian communities have long approached conflict resolution. Rather than turning to courtrooms or neutra

I have been divorced twice. That's the last time you will ever see me commence a post, article, or book with that statement. Now, I realise that opening might feel a little jarring, perhaps even a touch hypocritical given I've just told you something I claim I'll never use as a hook again. But there's a point to it, and I'll get there shortly. There is a growing trend in the divorce coaching world, and it's one I want to address directly. Many coaches, well-meaning and genuin

There's something magical about summer and classic cars. The warm weather brings out those lovingly maintained vintage vehicles, their chrome gleaming in the sunshine as they cruise through quieter holiday streets. For many owners, these aren't just cars but companions that have travelled alongside them through different chapters of life, accumulating stories, memories and countless hours of careful restoration work. Yet behind every classic car enthusiast enjoying their priz

Recent high-profile separations of couples after long marriages have surprised many observers. From the outside, their lives often appeared deeply intertwined, raising the question: why divorce now? This scenario reflects a growing global trend that's equally relevant here in New Zealand, where divorce among people over 50 has climbed to unprecedented levels over the past two decades. The Rise of Grey Divorce in New Zealand Grey divorce, referring to the dissolution of marri

When a relationship ends, one of the most profound losses isn't just the partnership itself, but the daily ritual of being truly heard by another person. If you've recently separated or divorced, you might find yourself missing those moments when someone asked about your day, even if those conversations had become rare or strained towards the end. Research into healthy relationships emphasises something beautifully simple that often gets lost in the chaos of daily life: the i

Separation changes everything about your relationship, but if you share children, property, or ongoing responsibilities, it doesn't end the need for cooperation. In fact, research shows that separated couples who remain open to each other's perspectives navigate co-parenting and shared decisions far more successfully than those who dig in and refuse to listen. Whilst you're no longer romantic partners, learning to accept influence from your ex can make the difference between

We often hear about workplace burnout, but what about feeling burnt out in your relationship? When the connection that once felt effortless now feels distant or draining, you might be experiencing relationship burnout. Recognising the Signs Burnout can manifest as a constant feeling of overwhelm where you've lost your sense of teamwork with your partner. Children, work and finances create busy lives, but when overwhelm becomes your default state, it likely signals something m

Conflicts happen. That's not a sign your relationship is failing, it's a sign you're two different people trying to build a life together. The real question isn't whether you'll have conflicts, it's whether you know how to handle them without everything going nuclear. Why How You Fight Matters More Than Whether You Fight Here's something that might surprise you: couples who never argue aren't necessarily happier than couples who do. What matters is how you handle disagreement

Every relationship hits communication barriers. The difference between couples who stay strong and those who drift apart isn't whether they face these obstacles, it's whether they recognise and address them before they become relationship killers. Common Barriers You're Probably Facing Let's start with the most common issue: assuming your partner should just know what you need. It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking "if she really cared, she'd know I'm stressed" or "I sh

Let's get practical. You know communication matters, but what does that actually look like in real life? It's not that complex - one of my biggest challenges when I was training crisis negotiators was stopping them from 'over thinking'. Here are some techniques that have helped countless men improve their relationships without feeling like they're walking on eggshells or losing themselves in the process. Active Listening: It's Not What You Think When most of us hear "active l

When your partner says "we need to communicate better," it's easy to feel like you're being blamed for something. But here's what I've learnt: effective communication isn't about being perfect with words or winning arguments. It's actually the foundation that keeps a relationship from falling apart when life gets complicated. Communication Is More Than Just Talking We often think communication means talking more, but that's only part of it. Real communication is about creatin

Now that you've laid the groundwork for your dating comeback, it's time to dive into the practical realities of meeting new people and...

So you've decided you're ready to date again after your breakup. Congratulations! This decision alone shows tremendous courage and...

I'm walking the Camino del Norte so I've created this weekly series on relationships for while I am in Spain. I hope you find it...

'm walking the Camino del Norte so I've created this weekly series on relationships for while I am in Spain. I hope you find it valuable....

I'm walking the Camino del Norte so I've created this weekly series on relationships for while I am in Spain. I hope you find it...

I'm walking the Camino del Norte so I've created this weekly series on relationships for while I am in Spain. I hope you find it...

I'm walking the Camino del Norte so I've created this weekly series on relationships for while I am in Spain. I hope you find it...

I'm walking the Camino del Norte so I've created this weekly series on relationships for while I am in Spain. I hope you find it...

I'm walking the Camino del Norte so I've created this weekly series on relationships for while I am in Spain. I hope you find it...