Building Lasting Relationships: Six Essential Practices

In a world filled with distractions, nurturing meaningful connections requires intention and practice. Here are six powerful ways to strengthen your most important relationships that I have observed in my friends & family - and tend to be lacking in my clients going through divorce and separation.

Ask meaningful questions to stay connected.

The quality of your questions determines the quality of your connection. Move beyond "How was your day?" to questions that invite real sharing: "What challenged you today?" or "What made you smile?" These deeper inquiries signal that you're genuinely interested in your partner's inner world, not just collecting information. When you ask meaningful questions, you create space for vulnerability and discovery, keeping curiosity alive even in long-term relationships.

Respond to small bids for attention to build emotional intimacy.

Every day, your partner makes dozens of "bids" for connection—sharing an observation, pointing out something interesting, or simply reaching for your hand. How you respond to these moments matters deeply. When you turn toward these bids, even briefly acknowledging them, you're saying, "You matter to me." These small positive responses compound over time, creating emotional safety and intimacy that sustains your relationship through challenges.

Express gratitude and admiration regularly.

Appreciation is relationship oxygen. Noticing and verbalising what you value about your partner counteracts our natural tendency to focus on problems. Be specific—instead of generic praise, say exactly what you appreciate: "I love how patient you were with the kids today" or "Thank you for remembering to call the plumber—it meant a lot." Regular expressions of gratitude shift your attention to what's going right, creating a culture of appreciation that nourishes both of you.

Handle conflict with understanding and a gentle startup instead of criticism.

How you begin difficult conversations often determines how they end. A "gentle startup" means raising concerns without blame or criticism—using "I" statements instead of "you" accusations. Compare "You never help around here" with "I'm feeling overwhelmed with household responsibilities lately." The first approach triggers defensiveness; the second invites collaboration. By approaching conflict with understanding rather than judgment, you transform potential arguments into opportunities for growth.

Support each other's dreams and create shared meaning in your relationship.

Strong relationships require both individual growth and shared purpose. Supporting your partner's aspirations—even when they differ from yours—demonstrates profound respect. Simultaneously, creating rituals, traditions, and goals that belong to both of you builds a sense of "we-ness" that transcends individual needs. This balance of autonomy and togetherness allows your relationship to evolve while maintaining its core strength.

Trust and commitment lay the foundation for everything else.

At the heart of lasting relationships are two fundamental elements: trust and commitment. Trust means believing your partner has your best interests at heart, even during disagreements. Commitment goes beyond staying together—it means actively choosing your relationship daily, especially when it's challenging. These foundation stones make all other relationship practices possible, creating the security needed for vulnerability, growth, and genuine connection.

Remember that relationships are built one interaction at a time. Each positive moment may seem small, but collectively they create the relationship you desire—one thoughtful question, gentle response, and expression of gratitude at a time.