Building Trust in Relationship

Can I trust you to be there when I'm upset?

Can I trust you to choose me over others?

Can I trust you to respect me?

These were all questions that I struggled with in one of my previous relationships. Even thinking "can I trust you to look after me when I get sick?'.

Looking back, I appreciate that couples who trust each other understand that good relationships require cultivation. They express daily appreciation, celebrate each other's achievements, say "I love you" regularly, and maintain empathy even during conflict. They know the grass is greener where you water it.

I have learnt - both in my personal and professional lives - that trust develops through small, everyday moments. In each interaction, you can either connect with your partner or turn away. Single moments aren't crucial, but consistently turning away gradually erodes trust.

When trust breaks down, your relationship story turns negative. You focus on flaws, forget admirable qualities, and eventually make "negative comparisons"—thinking you can do better. This leads to resentment instead of gratitude.

5 Ways to Invest in Your Relationship

1. Turn Towards Opportunities for Connection Couples who stay together respond to each other's attempts at connection 86% of the time, while separating couples only respond 33% of the time. When you miss an attempt, repair quickly.

2. Flip Your Internal Script Negative thoughts cause you to miss 50% of your partner's connection attempts. Replace criticism with compassion and separate specific problems from your overall view of your partner.

3. Ritualise Cherishing Actively appreciate your partner to avoid negative comparisons. Regularly express gratitude: "Thanks for being adventurous," "You're an amazing cook," "You're a great parent."

4. Learn to Fight Smarter Complain without blame by expressing feelings and needs, not criticisms. Hold weekly "check in" meetings to address concerns constructively.

5. Create We Time Despite busy schedules, prioritise dates and emotional connection. Ask open-ended questions and maintain rituals that allow you to connect.

Happiness comes from recognising and appreciating what we have.

Choose each other, day after day.