As a ‘street cop’ it always amazed me how some people would talk themselves into a situation where they ended up getting arrested, handcuffed, tasered and generally having their day not end up as planned.
Even the most basic interactions had the possibility of spiralling into something unexpected at the start. Even with my best effects as a trained crisis negotiator, some people turned what I would have been a warning (if that!) into a full on battle - which one side was going to win (hint - usually mine).
Reflecting on this recently, I remembered the “Interest/ Rights/ Power” model by William Ury, Jeanne Brett, and Stephen Goldberg. In a very brief summary, in any interaction if you focus on your own (and the other sides) interests, seeing the dispute as a mutual one to solve, then the likelihood of a positive outcome is improved.
However, if you start thinking in terms of ‘rights’ and ‘power’, then you better have a very strong position otherwise you are going to loose.
What a lot of people I interacted with did not realise, was that I had a strong interest in avoiding conflict - because in the police you then have to do paperwork, talk to your bosses, potentially appear in court, and not get to go home on time. Those offenders who knew that their best outcome is achieved by working in harmony with my interests got a much easier path.
The second that someone started demanding they had the right to do something, or tried to ‘staunch me out’, I knew that it would end badly for them.
So next time you are in a dispute a quick self check is in order - think about the other parties interests, and be very slow to start claiming your rights or trying to exercise your power. You might quickly find that you are the powerless one.
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