The Four Pillars of Rock-Solid Trust

When I'm talking with my male divorce and separation coaching clients, one of the common thing that comes up is "trust in relationships," - both their current one and ones forthe future. They tend to think about damage control after someone messes up. But why wait for disaster? I've learned through experience that building trust from the start saves a ton of heartache down the road.

Say what you mean and mean what you say

Your word needs to be your bond. If you tell your partner I'll handle something, make sure it happens. Showing up, even if you have other choices, builds more trust than a hundred "I love yous" ever could. Don't promise what you can't deliver—it's that simple.

Communicate your intentions clearly

Your partner isn't psychic. I had to learn the hard way to state what I'm thinking instead of expecting her to figure it out. Whether it's planning an indiviidualactivity, or when I went through my career change, I put it on the table. This isn't about permission—it's about respect. Nobody likes surprises about the big stuff.

Admit your mistakes

We all screw up. The difference is what happens next. I've found that immediately owning my mistakes (instead of deflecting or making excuses) actually builds more trust than if I'd never messed up at all. It shows I'm human but accountable. I've learnt to acknowledged them, apologise sincerely, and made changes (if you want to learn how to make better aplogies - reach out!)

Always tell the truth

Even "harmless" white lies damage credibility. If your instand reaction is to lie, then pause for time - be open and consider what is going to be the best in the long term. Truth builds foundations; lies create cracks.

Trust isn't built in grand gestures but in daily consistency. I've started treating these four practices like a workout regimen—something to consciously strengthen every day. If you're struggling, pick one area and focus on it for two weeks before tackling another.

Remember: Building trust is a marathon, not a sprint. But unlike most marathons, this one's worth every step of the journey.